5 Reasons Why Non-Monogamy Won’t Work for You

1. Non-monogamy will not fix your broken relationship
   If you believe that by adding more people to a relationship that is already broken will make this work, you are setting yourself up for a major disappointment. My mom has an analogy in reference to adding children to a damaged relationship: “babies don’t make happy marriages, happy marriages make babies.” If your relationship has issues of one or several kind, opening it up to others will exacerbate the issues. Not only is it not fair to you and your partner, it certainly isn’t fair to drag a new person(s) into this mess. It is important to have a strong foundation in order to build upon it. Resolve all major issues within the relationship and get settled in your new normal before considering non-monogamy.
2. Non-monogamy won’t keep your cheating partner from cheating
   People cheat for a number of reasons and getting to the bottom of why they cheat, especially the repeat offenders will help build a better relationship. Relationships are built on trust among other things and if you have a serial cheater who believes by having permission to be with others will curve their appetite, you’re wrong and they are lying. Cheaters that have somehow convinced their partners that they will not stray because they have permission, will only stray further and further and use the ‘permission’ line against you. Giving them permission will only add fuel to their dishonesty. If they lie about cheating without permission, how do you know that they are being ‘physically’ and emotionally safe now that they have permission to roam?
3. You don’t know how to communicate…well
   Being able to communicate is important in your relationship. Being able to communicate well is vital in non-monogamy. You do not become exempt from your emotions just because you have agreed to this lifestyle. You will still have moments, days or weeks of jealousy, fear, insecurity, doubt, anger, joy, bliss, excitement, lust, fulfillment and satisfaction. Every emotion stays with you as you journey into this new or existing realm. You have to be able to recognize the emotions you are feeling when you feel them. You have to be able to recognize that just because you have an emotion doesn’t mean that you have to act upon it right then and there. You much try to understand what triggered the emotion and then decide if any action is even needed. When there is something to discuss you have to be able to communicate that you understand that you have this emotion without laying blame, but express that it exists and what you want to do about it. This has to be done as soon as possible so that you don’t build up unsettled resentment on something that sometimes is, in fact, just an emotion.
4. You can’t be brutally honest with your mate…or yourself
   You aren’t able to express your needs, want and desires to yourself or your partner. You cannot glide through this type of relationship. If you want to ‘try’ sex with another woman or three men you need to be able to express that without fear of hurting your partner. If you don’t like a person being involved with your partner, you need to express that and your partner has to be able to respect it. If you’ve always been curious about bondage or fucking machines and your partner is not interested, you need to be ok with expressing that desire and working out a way to try it with someone you trust and not be riddled with guilt. The same rings true if it was the other way around.
5. You’re selfish
   You believe that the relationship you are in revolves around you and what you want. Your partners emotional and physical needs come second in your mind. You are not interested in his/her pleasures. You want only what you want. In non-monogamy, there are times that you receive pleasure by seeing that your partner is getting the pleasure, attention, love and/or sex that they want. There will be times where you forego your own pleasure to make sure that they get what they desire. Non-monogamy is a very selfless relationship and you have to be willing to give because you love, not expect to be given to because you are loved.

LOVE: Organically, Purely, Deeply, Naturally, Boldly

Follow us on Twitter @organicloven. Like us on Facebook.com/organicloven.